For the whole 22 Years in my Life, I never get the taste what is “so called real love is”. Never been so deeply in love and love a person so heartedly even though been in a relationship before. Cause I always afraid to fall in love because I’m scared of losing it if anything happen. But getting to know you change the whole situation. I’m not scared and it’s like I found my happiness. It’s hard for me to give up or do anything for someone which I called love. But knowing you, I Give my all without thinking twice because I thought you are the one.

I know it’s too early, and I understand. I also don’t want to rush things ahead. Because we just know each other. Everything is like so first...
Now I’m really confused and really a fool to myself. I guess for all this while I’m just like nobody and a substitute for a period of time. I feel so stupid like seriously so so stupid. That’s what I get for being kind hearted all my life. I easily get carried away with all this sweet words and I still haven learnt my lesson. But until now.

I know it takes two hands to clap but doesn’t mean clapping together shows its sincerity. Don’t have to return someone love if you know you can’t delivery it. Don’t have to give hope when it will only hurt that person more. Im not angry because you didn’t choose me, because that’s your choice and I truly respected it but it’s because of you playing with my feeling.
I wanna Thanks to my friends who have given their care and concern, I should have listened early. But what is done cannot undo. Now I have learnt my lesson. Totally lost and phobia. And I wish I didn’t know you before. And sorry if I don’t pick or reply any of your messages because right now I just want to relax my mind and forget everything.

I don’t blame anyone I only blame only myself for everything that happen. I just don’t understanding why people love hurting me so much, what did I do wrong until I have to suffer and be punished like this. Is it wrong for me to fall in love?

Now What I’m going to do is put my mind off this. I’m going to focus on my future & studies. Will not step into another love story in the near future or until I found someone who really treasure me and love me 100%. Love can wait for sure.
What I wrote here is not because of anger but this is what my heart & mind felt...
What I need now are my friends. (Full Stop)

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I never felt this way for a long time, and soon after you came into my life
Everything changed. All my sadness had been erase away, lost in the outer space.
Knowing you is the best thing that happens in my life and I really mean it. I love you not because of your Looks, because it is not that important to me but it was your care & concern, the love you shower me. Make me feel so secure. Each day my love grew bigger & bigger for you. I feel that I have found someone that really understands me and I really trust you.
I gave you my all.

I don’t know what you feel about me now. I never had any intention to hurt your feeling or make you feel sad. Because if I do I will be breaking my heart too. I just want to see your happy face, hear your cheerful voice like the first day I know you. I don’t want that to fade away.

Sometime I feel like I’m not good enough for you. I know where I stand. And I know I may not be as lovely as yr Ex(s).
And I feel like I’m the one who should be blame for everything.

Now I’m in the state of complication, I feel like everything just lost.
How can I bring that love back again?

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OK NEW STATUS! ALL THE POST THAT I WROTE IN THE PAST ABOUT ALL THE EMO STUFFS. just TAKE it as OLD ENTERTAINMENT! BEcause When i think Back! i dont need to be SAD! THIS is LIFE! UP & DOWN = LIFE! I FOUND MY HAPPINESS! & i wanna be HAPPY!. lets be & Stay HAPPY PEOPLE! K!

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Topic 1 (Caught in the middle)

Hmmm i dont want to be sad anymore, cause i wanna fight this weakness in me. So tell me what would you do, if 1 like u then suddenly 1 dissappear and suddenly you get to know 2 and suddenly 3 & 4 came & what worse is that 1 appear back in your life. Seriously for me im Blur totally.

Topic 2 (Special power)

Okay recently i got this kinda SIX SENSE going on! and it turn out to be true. its weird, scary but im okay with it. Example: Whenever something gonna happen i get this feeling that someone or soemthing is coming towards me. And theres this particular time when i was in toilet doing small business, and heard open door that someone is entering. What so weird is that, theres this partiular name (with is my friend from other class) appear in my mind and when i open that cubicle i was shocked to find out its HIM! ha ha. and theres also other things which i couldnt say here.


to be continued...

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I’m still in my confusion state of mind until this game is settled I will be alright & life will be back as per normal.
I feel like... I don’t know how to explain but its killing me inside. No mood to eat, everything that I do is just not right. Can anyone tell me what does this mean?I feel so hopeless. I don’t know what to do.
Or does imaginary play my mind. It’s not true right! Everything that has been troubling my mind? Tell me that it’s not true so I don’t have to make believe.
If it’s true why does it has to make me suffer like this.
Only you have the answer. Only you could tell me. But I know it won’t happen.
Maybe I took it too seriously and Maybe there’s nothing going on. It could be possible reason.
Rudy please don’t take anything nice as your weakness, You got to be strong Rudy, You are a nice person.

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3 days to End everything. I already know the answer to it, but I keep on giving myself the feel of happiness. Im addicted, im injected, im blinded, im living the sin life. Because I still don’t get what I want and I won’t let it run me mad. I don’t want to get hurt. Cause its making me look silly. I don’t want the incident 4 years ago to happen again. It was the most tragic moment at that time. I was lost I was all alone. But time passes by and I begin to accept the fact. And I think we are Cool now.
I want to delete the past & Start all over again from the start.

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